Want to smash the patriarchy, destroy misogyny, and demolish sexism?
Smash, destroy, and demolish colonial systems from our lives.
Because ultimately colonial systems are created with the task to uphold, preserve, and maintain the longevity of patriarchy, misogyny, and sexism.
And truthfully, Indigenous systems are the weapons to use to completely smash the patriarchy, destroy misogyny, and demolish sexism from our livelihoods.
The challenge in dislocating ourselves completely from colonial systems and immersing ourselves fully in indigenous is people’s self-made limitations around what that means.
Colonial systems have become a lifeboat for some of our people. There is such a heavy reliance on them for everyday living that it has become almost habitual to live with them. Academia, legal aid, social services, human resource sectors, medical supports, and governmental systems exclusively cater to colonialism, and our people are consistently choosing these systems as their only options for daily life. There is a deeply seeded fear in abandoning these interlocking avenues that aid in upholding patriarchal behaviours, misogynistic beliefs, and sexist ideologies. A fear that our people have associated with survival. A lot of our people are thinking that without these colonial systems, how will they survive.
Yet, the real question should not be how will we survive without these colonial systems but rather how long will we survive living within these colonial systems?
Realistically, it would have to be a gradual process to divert completely from colonial systems and reintegrate into indigenous systems and there has to be a starting point. Where we could begin is in taking small steps in addressing, admitting, and responding to patriarchal behaviours, misogynistic thinking, and sexist ideologies.
In order to reaffirm our existence as indigenous nations we must revive our relationship with the all-encompassing matriarchy. In order to liberate ourselves in times of spineless patriarchy, we as indigenous peoples must aid in the full restoration of the backbones of our nations – and ultimately, that is through going to war against the beliefs and ideologies around patriarchy, misogyny, and sexism. So how do we smash the patriarchy as indigenous peoples and nations?
Firstly, to smash the patriarchy, we have to smash the idea that we hold enough power over women to decide what is, and isn’t, beneficial for their well-being. We have to crush the concept that one has power over women to the point that one has the right to judge them based on how they behave. To smash the patriarchy we must also smash colonial feminism and any other form of thinking that revolves around having a superiority over the mind of women and and the logic of “I know what is best for women.” Because truthfully, every woman knows exactly what is best for themselves.
To smash the patriarchy we must destroy the continued oppression of children and the dysfunctional adult vs child dynamic we see unfolding. Colonialism has taught indigenous families that an authoritarian presence over children is acceptable and mandatory for the sustainability of our families. This is what is also maintaining patriarchal and colonial behaviours. We see it heavily woven through the education system where teachers have an automatic hierarchical presence over our children. It is absolutely crucial that we reignite indigenous family systems to the point where the parent/child dynamic is one of equality, because that is exactly what indigenous kinship is about. Once our children receive the deserved treatment of equality from us as adults, they will uphold the dynamic of equality in all areas of their lives as they grow.
To smash the patriarchy we must raise young girls with the ability to veer away from roles of victimhood and martyrdom and rather divert full force towards self-power and self-love. It is also unquestionably critical that we raise young boys with the ability to steer away from authoritarian and persecutor roles and rather ascend towards self-responsibility, compassion, vulnerability, and deepened levels of empathy. It is also critical that we model these healthy behaviours and have open, honest dialogue about what to do when unhealthy behaviours show up. With these intact, young people will fall naturally into healthy behavioural roles void of shame, guilt, and unworthiness.
Smashing the patriarchy also requires raising young boys to have a deeper understanding of themselves as indigenous men that surpasses teachings on their relationship with their braids. It is paramount young indigenous boys are given space to be proud of their hair, however it is also critical that young boys are given the space to be proud of their fears, tears, shame, and insecurities. Once young indigenous boys have to tools necessary to be truthful in the face of their own fear, sadness, shame, or insecurity, they can ultimately be truthful in all areas of their life. And that in itself is a revolutionary act that can build healthy nations for generations.
Smashing the patriarchy requires indigenous men and women who state that they follow indigenous systems, “decolonization,” “land-based practices,” “Indigenous masculinities,” or “indigenous feminism” to openly admit where in there lives they have, or still have, participated in patriarchy, misogyny, and/or colonial feminism and to subsequently make amends for the wrongs and pain they may have caused in doing so.
And for those who state that they have never participated in the colonial dynamics of patriarchy and misogyny, the invitation stands for them to dig deeper. Abiding to the patriarchy could look like indigenous women, agreeing to, and living out Canada’s solutions to the issues involving indigenous women. It could look like indigenous men and women, both, agreeing to projects involving environmental violence due to the fact that they “create jobs” for our people. It could look like someone believing that academia is the answer to ending patriarchy and using it as their ultimate weapon in fighting against it, when really, the backbone of academia is a white privileged male “kindly allowing” women of colour into the institutions and touching her behind closed doors to “pass the class.” It could look like someone holding the belief that colonialism, colonial systems, and those in power of those systems, will save us. It could look like unhealthy elders demanding people to do things for their ceremonies that they may be uncomfortable with. It could look like indigenous women operating like colonial women leading settler-created boards, committees, and even political positions of “power.” It is these arenas that are deeply engrained with undertones of misogyny, patriarchy, and even sexual violence, and it is these arenas that continue to legislate laws that are slowly killing our women.
To smash the patriarchy we have to remember that being male, or even masculine does not equal patriarchy. Nor does being male, or being masculine equal misogyny, sexual violence, abuse, or rage. The association of that must stop. Boys and men are not dangerous simply because they are male. The boys who become men who are dangerous are the ones who are raised in authoritative homes with no space for vulnerability, sensitivity, or deep levels of empathy. The boys who become men who are dangerous are raised by colonialism. Indigenous families provided space for children to experience all parts of themselves, wildly and unapologetically, without room for oppression.
Smashing the patriarchy requires more than us blaming the porn industry, or even individual men who have committed acts against women. By all means, hold these men accountable and get the justice deserved. However, take the opportunity to look at the imbalance in colonial systems and even how allowable it has been for men to treat women this way since John Smith laid eyes on Pocahontas. Most likely before that too. Hold both men and systems accountable. If one decides to call out a man then also call out the systems that may have influenced him, and allowed him, to act that way. Because we do not need to create Indian country’s version of tabloid magazines.
Smashing the patriarchy also requires more than men using social media to admit times when they committed acts of patriarchy and here is why:
We have to ask ourselves who are these social media admittances from men for? Who are they serving? If my rapist posted an admittance on social media as some sort of display of “smashing the patriarchy” it would not create any kind of healing for me nor would he be seen, in my eyes, as less of a misogynist than he was. He may even skew the story in a way that would attempt to make my experience with him raping me not as serious as it was. Now, that’s not to say that people cannot change or cannot be forgiven. If anything, it would highlight a cowardice around him for neglecting to admit and apologize to my face.
However, there is also an opportunity and space where the man can do his own inner work to the point of healing that part of himself that commits this behaviour. In doing so, from my personal experience, that would grant him peace, happiness, and liberation from guilt, shame, fear, grief, and any possible emotional block within him.
And realistically, who is in charge of my healing journey, as a former victim of rape? Because truthfully, are these social media admittances for “smashing the patriarchy”? Or are they an example of that part of those men on their healing journeys? Because also, the only one who is in charge of our healing journeys is ourselves. No one can make us feel anything and no one is responsible for our peace, freedom and happiness.
To smash the patriarchy we have to remember that patriarchy is insidiously manipulating. Meaning that these admittances can be nothing more than blanket apologies. The danger with these “blanket apologies” is that they create this parallel sameness for individual women and their experiences when in fact their experiences are immensely different. They are so immensely different that no one can truly know what it’s like to be on either side. Which leaves us in what can be called a wellness paradox, which can potentially keep us stuck in an insane, inter-looped, cycled battle between insecurity and trust. Due to not truly knowing if these admittances are sincere or are men striving to be an “exception” to the system of patriarchy.
To smash the patriarchy we have to highlight the men who are doing this work on their own, without putting it out there for their ego. But really, what work they choose to do is none of my business. The healing journey of another person is none of my business, whether their admittances are sincere or if they are blanket admittances is none of my business. The only thing I can do is trust. And I choose trust because of my own work I have done. I choose trust because I have chosen happiness, joy, and love over the unhealthy loop on insecurity and trust. I choose trust because, ultimately I want that to be a part of the lives of our children, rather than unhealthy dynamics and games.
To smash the patriarchy we need to do more than say “believe her.” There is a critical need to tell girls to believe in themselves rather than just asking patriarchal systems to believe them. Girls must believe in themselves enough to speak up as soon as patriarchal behaviours attempt to objectify, touch, or own their bodies. No matter the circumstance.
Smashing the patriarchy means that girls must also believe in themselves enough to know that even if the patriarchal system doesn’t believe them, their truth is still valid and alternate means of justice and healing is necessary. They may search for justice within non-colonial systems, within themselves, and within the Indigenous systems which place women on the highest level. Indigenous systems ultimately, will believe in her.
Smashing the patriarchy entails practicing indigenous womanhood rather than colonial feminism. It requires raising our children with the systems involving indigenous motherhood rather than allowing colonialism to raise our children.
Smashing the patriarchy requires us to fall back on the systems that were given to us generations ago – systems which we have turned our backs on for colonialism. We must dissolve the narrative that the colonizer can give, and take, our power. Only we are in charge of our self-power as indigenous peoples.
Smashing the patriarchy requires this generation of strong indigenous women and girls to aid in the restoration of the indigenous kinship system. It requires this generation, and the next, of healing from assimilative policies and trauma to normalize the respect of indigenous women. It requires taking this generation, and the next, to reclaim, rehabilitate, revolutionize, and revitalize to change the woman from being seen as disposable to sacred. It requires many medicinal generations, the generation of our grandmothers, of our mothers, and of ourselves, to create experiences filled with restoration and devotion for women seven generations down the line.
Smashing the patriarchy requires the full immersion of indigenous systems in all areas of our lives. It requires no longer using colonialism as a life-boat. It requires restoring the indigenous matriarchy. And it requires remembering that our ancestors did not fight for our lives in order for us to rely on colonialism to raise our children, raise our families, and raise our nations.
Smash the colonial patriarchy, restore the indigenous matriarchy.
Artwork by: Monique Aura